i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
