You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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