And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
