My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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