Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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