The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
