Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
