oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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