At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
