did you get engaged???
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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