I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
