So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
