Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
