my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize