Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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