I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
