I wish I could teleport
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
