those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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