that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
