How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
