someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
