I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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