This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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