Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
