if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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