all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
