Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
