I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got inside last night via doggy door
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
