The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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