I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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