Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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