the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
