So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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