It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
