How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
