are you still at the devil's house?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
