no, he came in my armpit
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
