i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want her autograph on my taint
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A+ Viking dick
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
