At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize