so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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