At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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