i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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