i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
