just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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