Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
