ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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