Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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