Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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