Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize