Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
