the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize