and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
