Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
