weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
