whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
