its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
