You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
