dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
