I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
