the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
