Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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