I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize