I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
