is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
