my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
