I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
