I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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