So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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