maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
